Support Your Local Girl Gang!

We need to talk about the importance of having good girlfriends. Because it is important.

If you're nodding your head and saying, "Yasss girlfriend!", please stop saying yasss, that trend has come and gone. I'm only telling you this out of love. Now go and text a girlfriend to see how she's doing and stop wasting your time reading something you already know (unless you're a personal friend of mine, then stick around cause I need your support. Thanks, I love you. Let's get coffee later.).

If you're rolling your eyes and thinking, "I just don't like girls.", then this is for you. I need you to stop acting like an arrogant white person at a black lives matter rally for a couple minutes and just listen. It's not as hard as you think. If my kids can do it, so can you. I believe in you. Kind of. Okay, not at all. Prove me wrong.

Let me start by saying that I'm not here to bash men, or say that guys and girls can't be friends. If your best friend is a guy, that's great! I'm happy for you! You just need to be warned that if he's not gay, he is probably in love with you and will eventually want his d s'd. (Mother, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, this is just the reality of the times we live in.) So there's that. Good luck girl. I hope you've got a back up girl gang to help you through it.

Now that we've got that cleared up, let's discuss why girlfriends are so great.

For starters, there are conversations that a woman can have with a girlfriend that she couldn't have with a man (without making him really uncomfortable). Believe me when I say women are gross. Sometimes we are grosser than men, probably because our bodies do grosser things than men's bodies do. You want to argue that point? I have two words for you: mucus plug. Bye.

In my personal experience, guys generally don't want to hear about your cabbage farts now that you're on that low-carb diet, or the pain of tweezing those three black nipple hairs on your left boob, or that time you pooped while giving birth to your daughter. You know who wants to talk about that stuff? I do. And so has every single woman I've ever drank too much wine with, as well as the women I've bonded with in the sanitary products aisle while searching for panty liners. Yeah, I said it and I'll say it again. Panty. Liners. Is that really more cringeworthy than bloody panties? I didn't think so. Moving on.

You know why women like talking about that stuff? It's because the second you cross that line, woman to woman, you're a lesbian. No, wait, what? That's not how that works at all. What I meant to say was the second you cross that line, you suddenly just see each other as human beings rather than the bitchy, back-stabby airheads we are portrayed as. You just get each other.

Here's a perfect example: Last year I was at a friends birthday and there was a pretty large group of girls that I didn't know, or that I only barely knew. When I'm surrounded by people I don't know well, I usually either sit quietly on the sidelines and just listen to what everyone else has to say, or panic and just let the verbal diarrhea flow (the latter generally happens when wine is involved).

A few hours into the party, the friend hosting the party was telling us all about this guy she had reconnected with after years of not seeing each other, and how sweet and nice he was being to her. Without thinking, I blurted out, "YOU KNOW HE JUST WANTS YOU TO SUCK HIS DICK RIGHT?" like an animal. Though I immediately wanted a do-over to instead say, "Oh wow, he sounds like a real catch!" I quickly looked around the room and realized that one girl had practically rolled off her seat from laughing so hard at my statement. Right then, we made eye contact and I knew in an instant we'd be friends.

Turns out I was wrong. She's a bitch and we are now mortal enemies.

Just kidding. I was right and she's now one of the most amazing, supportive, badass friends I've ever had, plus one of the individuals that pushed me to start this blog. So basically, without my being a disgusting pig, you'd probably continue hanging out with all those guy friends and wondering why you feel so hollow and empty inside. You're welcome.

That story brings me to the reason why girlfriends are so undeniably the best:

We are stronger together.

If you're upset right now because you're a man, and you think men are stronger together and how dare I not include you because you're a feminist too but you feel like you constantly need to prove yourself as one because you're a man...just shut up. You don't have to be a part of everything. Pull up your manties and go trim your chest hair or something. Let us have this moment damnit!

Over the last two months, I've been going through a bit of a crisis in my life. By bit, I mean major. No big deal. I'm not crying about it or anything. Oh wait, nope, I totally am. Mentally, emotionally, and physically (because my brain turns stress into actual physical illness, yay!), I've been left feeling completely tapped out and every day is a struggle. Please feel sorry for me, my life is the saddest.

Just kidding, you don't have to feel sorry for me, because I've got a secret weapon: Mother f**kin girlfriends, ya'll!

People who know about what's going on in my life keep telling me that they admire my strength, that they don't know how I keep it together day by day. Though it is true that I am a strong person, I'm not entirely certain I would have the strength to make the difficult decisions I've been faced with without a dozen amazing women standing behind me saying "you can do this" then slapping me on the ass like a football coach.

Honestly though, these women have given me the strength I've needed by doing things no man would ever do for me. They pull me in for long, strong hugs that weirdly make me feel safe (I'm not a hug person. Surprised? Didn't think so.). They brag about me to other people right in front of me, reminding me that I am strong, intelligent, funny, beautiful, and important. They send me screenshots of the scene in The Office where Kevin spills his chili everywhere, because they know I'll laugh out loud at it. They read between the lines in an instagram caption and bring me coffee, because they knew I needed it more than likes. They push me to do the things I love when I can barely get myself out of bed. Like write. This blog. I can't emphasize how little I had to do with this finally coming together. They practically grabbed my hand and started scribbling words in a notebook to give me a push start. Seriously, if you hate it, blame them. They did this.

I'm tired of women hating other women. I'm sick of hearing women say "most of my friends are guys because being friends with girls is too hard." Listen, friendship with anyone is hard. It's not a woman thing, it's a human thing. The only reason women struggle with friendships so much is because we are told that's how it's supposed to be by outside sources who don't know shit about real friendship. Tabloid magazines aren't real. Mean Girls wasn't real. The Bachelor is wonderful and hysterical, but it's not real. Stop using those things as reference guides.

It can be as simple as this: Support and love the women in your life and they will do the same for you. Work out with them, drink wine and be too honest with them, go out dancing and turn down creepy men with them then get some Burger King with them, laugh and cry with them. I swear to you that your life will be so much fuller when you do. And grosser. So much grosser.

So go find a lonely girl who needs a friend, talk to her, love her, strengthen her and repeat. Eventually you won't know how you survived without her.